Where Dem Good Pokemons At?

Professor Dope expounds on the highs and lows of Pokemon Go fever.

Credits:

Professor Dope is Quinn Allan
Written and performed by Quinn Allan
Recorded and engineered by Pwn Toney
Music by Harley Gold
Directed by Zach Carter
Shot by Jeff Hammond

Lyrics:

I downloaded this app
they call it Pokemon Go
it’s the freshest new craze
you ever heard of it, bro?
you catch pocket-sized monsters on a digital map
now I can hook up with some cuties without getting the clap
caught my first pokemon
the game called it a squirtle
I guess it’s like a squirrel that had sex with a turtle
now I’ve been playing for days
and you can say I’m kinda hooked
but there’s just one problem
everywhere that I look
there’s like the same ten fucking pokemons
it’s getting kind of old
and I’ve gotta catch them all
at least that I’m told
I’m not abra, kadabra even alakazam
but you gotta be psychic or you’re as lost as I am

where dem good pokemons at?
is pokemons the plural of pokemon?
where dem good pokemons at?
oh wait I think the plurals just pokemon

fuck all these pidgies
I don’t want a ratata
your mama’s pretty fat
but that snorlax is fatter
oh you caught that venusaur?
ain’t that great look at you
I’d give my left nut for a single pikachu
my pokemons all fit in the eye of a needle
my pokedex is empty but I’m swimming in weedles
I’ve got spyro, fearow, raticate
like fifty fucking zubats
I trade them for some candy now they changed how you do that
you gotta choose a team there’s only three you can pick
but it’s really more like two ’cause team valor’s all dicks
finally took my first gym
only beat like five vaporeons
but before I left my scyther
I got sniped by some moron

where dem good pokemons at?
is pokemons the plural of pokemon?
where dem good pokemons at?
no I’m like seriously asking

I walked fifty fucking miles
I ain’t lost a single pound
and a CP 110 onyx is the best that I’ve found
I just caught an evie and it gave me a crabby
every time this game crashes makes me feel kinda stabby
the one that’s called slowpoke
wasn’t quick enough to catch
holy shit my 10k egg I gotta watch this bitch hatch
it’s an evie
a fucking evie y’all
I just hatched an evie out of a 10k egg
this game sounded fun
with its augmented reality
but the fights are super-lame without a single fatality
it’s just a button-mashing scramble
and my thumbs aren’t that fast
wanted to be the very best
I’ll probably be the very last

where dem good pokemons at?
is pokemons the plural of pokemon?
where dem good pokemons at?
you know what, I don’t even care anymore.